The imperfect church is full of imperfect people living in an imperfect world with a powerful spiritual enemy determined to destroy what Christ cherishes. No wonder church hurt exists! While church hurt encompasses a host of offenses, the common denominator is a deep, emotional wound (often unintentionally inflicted) that threatens the relationship between the wounded and the wounder, a local church, all churches, or even with Christ Himself. Yet, Christ desires unity among His people.

Since the emotional pain tends to shutdown our prefrontal cortex while simultaneously transforming us into a mini-Hulk, how to glorify God and maintain unity while navigating church hurt is rarely obvious or easy to accomplish. If you are reading this, I assume your desire is to glorify God when navigating church hurt.

Our heart response, not reconciliation, is the determining factor.

The following reflective questions organized into three main categories are intended to help us slow down and purposely analyze our heart as it engages in this specific type of spiritual warfare. Walking through church hurt without stumbling is a difficult (impossible?) feat, so likely we will have multiple areas where we need to humbly repent and consciously change course to the glory of God. Thankfully, God is gracious and merciful. I pray we will all humbly and honestly self-reflect.

FIRST: What is our heart believing about Christ?

• What did Christ die for (Ephesians 5:25)?
• When can anything, including church hurt, or anyone, including church leaders or church members, separate us from the Head of the Church (Romans 8:38-39)?
• When will Christ’s steadfast love for the Church waver (Psalm 136; Lamentations 3:22-23)?
• When will Christ disown the Church (Philippians 1:6)?
• When does Christ whitewash wrong actions done within the Church (for starters see Acts 5, I Corinthians 5, Galatians 2, and Revelation 2-3)?

SECOND: What is our heart trusting in? What is our anchor in the storm? Where is our hope?

• In the imperfect church or the Head of the Church (Colossians 1:16-18)?
• In the imperfect undersheperd or the Chief Shepherd (I Peter 5:1-5)?
• In the imperfect community or the Trinity (Philippians 4:2; I Corinthians 1:11)?
• In an imperfect system or the Savior (Acts 6:1)?
• In our reputation or Him Who Made Himself of No Reputation (Philippians 2:7)?
• In human praise or God’s praise (Matthew 6:1-18, John 12:42-43)?
• In man’s judgment of our character and actions or God’s judgment (Matthew 7:1-5)?
• In the words of men and twisting of scripture or the accurately handled Word of God (Matthew 4:1-11)?
• In our glory or God’s glory (I Corinthians 10:31)?
• In our way or God’s way (Luke 22:42)?
• In our own understanding or in the Lord’s understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6)?
• In taking revenge or leaving room for God’s wrath (Romans 12:19)?
• In human dependability or in Him Who Will Never Leave Us Nor Forsake Us (Psalm 27:10; Hebrews 13:5-6)?
• In being understood by men or being comprehensively understood by our Omniscient God (Psalm 139)?
• In man’s authority and power or our Omnipotent God (Romans 1:19-20; John 19:10-11)?
• In our ability to work things out or God’s ability to work the situation together for our good (Romans 8:28)?
• In reconciliation or the Reconciler (Acts 15:36-40)?
• In being accepted by men or being an indispensable part of the body of Christ (I Corinthians 12:12-25)?

THIRD: What actions are coming out of our heart?

• How are we seeking to be a peacemaker, as much as it depends on us (Romans 12:18)?
• Are we walking away from the offender or walking through Matthew 18:15-17 with the offender?
• Are we assigning motives or giving the benefit of the doubt (Matthew 7:1-2; I Corinthians 4:4-5; Luke 6:31)?
• Are we communicating with the other party via email and texts which are void of essential nonverbals and will highly likely increase misunderstandings or choosing face to face conversations which tend to bring more clarity and potential for reconciliation (Proverbs 4:26; Proverbs 16:23-24)?
• Are we patiently, kindly, and respectfully communicating with our offender (Galatians 6:1)?
• Are we becoming more rigid or more flexible in the reconciliation process (I Corinthians 13:5)?
• Are we outright defensively dismissing accusations or prayerfully considering them for any truth (Proverbs 16:32; I Peter 5:5)?
• Are we guarding against bitterness (Ephesians 4:31)?
• Are we praying for our offender (Luke 6:28)?
• Are we humbly owning and asking forgiveness for our failings in the process (Proverbs 16:18)?
• Are we seeking to understand our own blind spots (Psalm 139:23-24; II Samuel 12:5-7)?
• Have we made an effort to truly understand the other party’s perspective (James 1:19; Luke 6:31)?
• Are we loving and considering our spouse and children being impacted by the upheaval (Philippians 2:3-4)?
• Are we faithfully pouring out our hearts to God about the whole ordeal (Psalm 62:8)?
• Are we carefully refraining from gossip with fellow church members (Proverbs 16:28; 26:20)?
• Are we seeking to maneuver this situation solo or have we received wise counsel from multiple, objective people (Proverbs 1:5; 9:9; 12:15; 15:33)?
• If they exist, are crimes being covered up or reported to authorities (Romans 13:1-4)?
• Do we need to continue pursuing reconciliation or part ways (Acts 15:36-40; Proverbs 26:4-5; Proverbs 9:8; Acts 7:22-29; 3 John 1:9-11; Romans 16:17; I Corinthians 5:11; II Thessalonians 3:6-15)?
• What is fear and self-protection urging us to do? What is courage and love for others imploring us to do (II Timothy 1:7)?

Christ died for the church. The least we could do is make every effort to protect its unity and not grow weary in that endeavor (Ephesians 4:1-6; Galatians 6:9). May our pride be put aside. May God’s name be magnified. And may we all eagerly long for the wedding day when Christ’s cherished Bride is at last made fully ready (Revelation 19:6-7; 22:16-17)! Church hurt is not the final word. Come Lord Jesus!