Perhaps an article focusing on building up relationships rather than blowing them up would have been your preference. However, since humans unconsciously gravitate towards choices that shatter relationships, I figure pointing out ten ways we do so might help us be on guard and consequently strengthen those priceless friendships, which is definitely my desire. Without further adieu, here are ten universal ways to implode just about any relationship given enough time and repetition.
- Be jealous and offended when not included, invited, or noticed by them.
- When in doubt about their motives, habitually believe they are being manipulative, passive aggressive, controlling, uncaring, or have some other negative intention. Never believe the best about them.
- Don’t take them at their word. Project on them what you believe they really must be thinking.
- Take disagreement, negative feedback, and mere suggestions from them as disrespectful and a personal attack. Always be defensive.
- When not on the same page with them, refuse to validate any aspect of their perspective, remembering you have already determined what is right and wrong. Do not budge on anything! This applies to all situations about all matters at all times.
- Don’t keep your word. Expect them to be ok with that. Lie. Expect them to be ok with that. Live a completely double life. Expect them to be ok with that.
- Talk about the relationship frustrations to as many people as possible but never directly to the other person.
- Deal with growing resentment by sweeping it under the rug (avoid mentioning anything to them and just let it fester and simmer under the surface). When the volcano of resentment finally erupts, which it inevitably will, spill it all out with a loud voice full of passion straight in their face. Some prefer the calmer alternative of simply making a mountain out of a molehill, which has the same effect and can be done surprisingly well without ever raising your voice or becoming riled up. However, if you feel uncomfortable letting resentment grow at all and need to deal with it immediately, choose to communicate all problems and frustrations via email or text – never face to face or on a phone call.
- Sometimes the only action needed is no action. Simply ghost them.
- Most importantly, never show grace. I repeat, never, ever show grace.
Does that horrific list of relationship killers feel all too familiar and make you sick to your stomach? It sure does me. I am so inclined to choose various of those detrimental actions, yet, know that I never want to be treated those ways. Relationships of every kind are much easier to blow up than to build. Can you relate? Where do you need to change course in your relationships?
This article deserves a follow-up on how to recover from those particular mistakes. What we “blow up” God can restore and make even better than before.
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Thanks for the idea! Wonder what I could come up with…hmmm…something to think on.