While my thirdborn was having the time of his life during his first official basketball season, the weak areas in my marriage were noticeably weaker than they had been in several years. My individual counselor, who was the one initially tuning in to my concerns, insisted that my son’s basketball season was not the reason but merely the context for the relational dissonance. Intuitively, I agreed, but weeks prior to the start of the tumultuous season, my husband and I had been deemed “in a good place” by our marriage counselor, so it seemed logical to blame the upheaval of basketball season rather than humbly admit a third party might be needed to shed light on the situation. Thankfully, we chose the latter.

After 23 years of marriage, the encouraging news is we once again confirmed that we are still fully committed to the other for better or worse. Today. Tomorrow. And always. God used basketball season to guide us to a new marriage counselor with a fresh perspective and a different mindset and approach, which helped us further unearth previously undetected root issues, which changed our trajectory for the better. Perhaps basketball season, while doing a doozy on our marriage, was actually the best thing for our relationship. Marriage is a marathon. By grit and grace, we are still up and running. Thanks to my husband for his willingness to share this part of our story for your benefit.

What are the “basketball season” moments in your life revealing? The strength of your marriage? Or its weakness? If you have repeatedly tried resolving issues privately and yet feel like you are merely spinning your wheels in the mud, could it be time to involve a wise, godly third party? If you have already repeatedly tried resolving your issues with a marriage counselor yet those wheels are still stuck, is it time for a new marriage counselor? Different approaches and mindsets truly affect the process.

When your kids need help, you encourage them to ask for it, right? Will you dare to potentially change the trajectory of your marriage for the better by humbly enduring the temporary discomfort of vulnerability with a third party? What would God have you do today out of love for Him and your spouse?

For more on marriage and counseling, check out my 2020 post on the topic. Number 11 is still so hard but from my experience seems to be the vital element that leads to breakthrough.