‘Tis the season to be jolly! Yeah, right. The holiday season is descending upon us as I write. Stress levels are rising. Blood pressure is mounting. Should we really put up with all that we put up with at the holidays?

If Aunt Gertrude asks us to host forty people because she no longer can, is saying no an option? What if we want to serve steak instead of turkey at Thanksgiving? Does having a guest room mean we have to make it available to out of town guests? How many times can one person tolerate sitting through The Nutcracker? Can we really attend 33 parties in one month? How many times can we get away with wearing the same Christmas sweater? How do we visit all 87 family members in two short but very long days? Is it really feasible to do 10 Advent activities for 25 straight days? Are we unloving for not volunteering for a shift at Operation Christmas Child? Are we selfish for not even filling one box for a poor child around the globe?

What gifts are we required to give at Christmas? Is a gift even a gift if it is required? Are gift cards acceptable? Can we give cash? Can we choose something not on the wishlist? Can we be frustrated that nothing on our wishlist was bought? Can we scale back and give gifts per family rather than buy for each of those 87 cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, half-siblings, parents, and in-laws? How do we handle the awkward moment when we open a duplicate gift? Can we choose to bypass the whole gift-giving process without being considered a Scrooge? Do we have to refrain from giving gifts because such a request was made by a Scrooge in our midst? Does exchanging a gift with a gift receipt actually cost us goodwill in the relationship? Are we required to keep every single gift for the rest of our days? Do we have to participate in every white elephant gift exchange? Do we give double gifts to our child with a Christmas birthday? What are we even attempting to communicate with Christmas gifts?

Can we skip the annual Christmas Eve brunch without anyone taking it personally? Do we have to show up at the golf course with all the guys? Or the spa day with all the girls? Is everything a group activity? Can we single out a relative and enjoy one on one time out and about? Can we breakaway from the family to visit an old friend?

Do we have to expose our kids to the relative struggling with addiction? Does forgiveness mean we still show up at the family gathering when the sex offender will be present? How do we graciously respond to our parents inviting our ex-spouse? Do we try to engage with the relative that has been ghosting us all year long? What about the relative who has spent the last twelve months bashing us on social media for having different political views? Will the unwed couple feel our love for them even when we say they cannot share a room if they spend the night in our house? Who do we celebrate with when we are the ones not invited because we chose to expose a dark family secret, shattering the image of one big, happy family? Will we still be included after making a shipwreck of our lives? What are wise boundaries? Is discretion even possible when everyone is singing that we will all be home for Christmas?

Do we hang a stocking for the family member we lost this year? Do we keep up grandma’s decorating Christmas cookie tradition with all the grandchildren in the wake of her passing? Will anyone buy us the sentimental box of chocolate covered cherries now that Uncle Keith is no longer here to do so? Do we stop sending our friend’s ex-spouse a Christmas card since the divorce is finalized? Do we maintain the same invite list to our annual Christmas Caroling event after the church split? What do we do with the special ornament from the best friend who abandoned us this year?

How in the world are we to navigate the horrendous, horrible, terrible holidays? What does it mean to be a peacemaker during the season of peace that can feel anything but peaceful?

Holidays have an inescapable way of forcing us to face reality and ourselves.

Our worldview. Our disappointments. Our fears. Our insecurities. Our limitations. Our self-doubt. Our people-pleasing bent. Our avoidance of saying no. Our rejections. Our triggers. Our losses. Our confusion. Our anger. Our pain. Our secrets. Our deep desire for belonging. The utter realization that nowhere this side of eternity will ever truly feel like complete, perfect belonging.

We know we cannot possibly make everyone happy at the holidays, yet we desperately try. We know we will disappoint people, yet we desperately avoid doing so at all costs. We do not have the strength or courage or discernment to create boundaries. Or we finally do and overcorrect. Meanwhile, the boundaries’ others have chosen feel offensive, confusing, or painful. We have losses we want to forget but are exposed to annually. We feel like the happiest time of the year is the absolute worst time of the year.

Yet, would we ever blot these challenging days from the calendar?

Do we not subconsciously know that despite all the angst there is something about it all that still manages to warm and encourage even the most hardened heart? While trying to survive the madness, can we really imagine trying to survive without it?

Having a spot at a table is precious…even if we were rejected from another table.

Gift giving, whatever the gift might be, is still a faint reminder of the ultimate gift.

Family with all its mess is nevertheless the metaphor used for the church for a reason.

The holidays are a microcosm of what we deal with every day. Life is bittersweet. And so are the holidays.

Once again, we enter the season that reminds us the world is so cursed and yet so beautiful all at the same time.

Enjoy your turkey. Or steak. Give that awesome gift. Or don’t. But above all, remember that we are to live for an audience of One all year long, including this glorious, complicated holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving! Merry Christmas!