Have you ever been terrified, not of a stranger, not of a friend, but of yourself?

Not being naive to occasionally struggling with suicidal thoughts over the last twenty years, I am left wondering who else is privately battling. If you are one of those silently engaged in this unwanted fight, know that I am writing this specifically for you. God wants us to have life and have it abundantly. (John10:10) But how is that even possible when we become the threat?

First, I found it surprisingly helpful when my individual counselor called suicidal thoughts by their more accurate name, intrusive thoughts. Did we ask for these destructive thoughts to enter our life? Definitely not. Did we welcome them into our heart and mind? Again, a resounding no. They are intrusive, therefore, they should be called such. They are an attack from the evil one who wants to kill, destroy, and annihilate. (John 10:10) A simple switch in vocabulary reminds us of reality and reduces the shame that accompanies this particular spiritual attack.

Most importantly, it is imperative not to battle these intrusive thoughts alone. The elite Navy Seals go into battle as a team, not solo. Even Jesus brought in three “team members” to support Him in His greatest hour of human need when His “soul [was] deeply grieved, to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:36-38) We too must depend on our “team.” We must confide in another human being, especially if the battle is increasing in frequency or intensity. The first comrade might not be sufficient to pull us successfully or permanently out of the mire of despair, requiring us to courageously confide in a second, third, or even fourth person. Opening up is by far the hardest and most risky step to take. Since our enemy does not use this attack on everyone, some will not be able to relate and might say or respond in a way that compounds the issue and increases our sense of shame and hopelessness. From two personal experiences, I recommend you expect a bumpy road when you choose the uncomfortable but essential path of self disclosure. But I equally guarantee that God is at work in the mess of it all and is for us. I needed the bumps. I just did not enjoy them. On the other hand, Satan wants us to remain isolated and struggling. He wants us to literally self-destruct and will do everything in his power to accomplish that sick goal. Do not underestimate his hatred or his craftiness. Humbly reaching out to others is vital. If I have failed to convince you, be assured that continuing alone in secret will only lead to being relentlessly attacked again and again, further terrified of yourself and your propensity towards self-destruction. But you are probably already well aware of that reality. How much better if we own our struggle and seek solutions from trusted, caring individuals than sadly succumb to it, negatively impacting those we most love and cherish and would never intentionally hurt?

Third, seek individual, wise, compassionate, biblical counseling. The goal with counseling is to discover and understand the root issues. Our intrusive thoughts are not isolated. They connect to other thoughts, trials, and struggles we are facing or have faced in the past. Despite being in our own bodies and living our own experiences, we can be surprisingly unaware of how all the dots connect and what is tripping us up so badly. A skilled counselor is able to ask questions that draw out our patterns of thinking and actions, so we can renew our minds with truth.

Another countermove to protect our life is to create a group text of carefully selected people, around two to five, who we would be comfortable reaching out to when spiraling. Spiraling is like sinking in quicksand. The group text is the solid ground around us and the strong hands that we can grab onto and be rescued from the strong pull into total hopelessness. I recommend talking to the people before adding them to make sure they are willing to be in the group. Not all can relate to this struggle or accept this responsibility, so prayerfully choose, trusting God will provide the perfect candidates for the task. The point of the group is to have a few trusted individuals that we can text a simple word such as “hope” when we are being attacked or feeling an imminent attack. By having several individuals involved, hopefully at least one would be available to immediately respond with words of hope and pray for us. When we spiral, the negative thoughts quickly eclipse all positive ones, leaving us not thinking straight and experiencing a type of mental blackout. The group text is an opportunity to connect with those in their right mind who are ready to remind us of reality, truth, and all the thoughts we would fully agree with when we are not spiraling. For me, setting up the group text was extremely humbling and hard, but, interestingly, once finally accomplished, the attacks stopped. Over two months have passed, and I have yet to text the group. Perhaps erecting such a strong defense scares off the enemy. God promised in James 4:6-7 that He gives grace to the humble and that if we resist the devil, he will flee from us.

Additionally, consider meeting with a doctor to discuss any potential biological or psychological problems that are making us more susceptible to intrusive thoughts or any medications that would help us fight better. Though we are fearfully and wonderfully made, our sin-cursed bodies can be part of the problem.

Next up, make a YouTube playlist. For me, creating a “low moments” YouTube playlist with various videos that I personally find strengthening, encouraging, or honestly, just plain humorous, has been tremendously helpful and my frequent go-to-aid. When I sense myself drifting (or plunging) towards a darker mental space that I now recognize as dangerous territory, I typically go straight to this playlist and within a few minutes my mind is recalibrated.

Another aspect of the battle plan is to daily be outside. Our indoor lifestyle is a contributing factor to our struggle. Not only do we need to connect with God and others but also with God’s creation. I was already occasionally taking walks, but my biblical counselor’s encouragement to spend time outside confirmed the need to prioritize this habit.

Last but not least, find strength and comfort in God’s Word, which I recommended years ago for this struggle. (Post) Apparently not everyone encounters hopelessness to the point of longing for his final breath, but more than one godly person in ancient times did. God forever recorded the moments when Moses, Job, and Elijah, saints God mightily used, desired to be all done (Numbers 11:10-15, Job 3:1-26, I Kings 19:1-4). God strengthened and sustained many saints throughout time and will now do the same for us through His living Word. Cling to His Word. Abide in His Word. It is our life. (John 6:63; Psalm 119:28)

Your hope may be eclipsed right now, but it is still radiating behind the dark cloud of despair. What “team member” will you confide in so you can resist our common enemy victoriously?