In the past I have contemplated writing a post about emails I recommend not sending. Unfortunately, I have a plethora of history to draw from in this particular arena. Perhaps it is the instinctual writer in me combined with my imperfect nature that sometimes puts my words to unintentional detrimental use. For some reason I put off writing about such a potentially beneficial topic. Not sure why. But after a serious lapse in judgment over an email I composed and unfortunately sent recently that I should have totally known better, it is time for the world to learn from my mistakes. Here are 7 emails I recommend you never send. Do so at your own peril.

1. An email composed from a place of anger. Instead, deep breathe. Journal. Pray. Go in person or call.
2. An email from a place of pain. Instead, cry. Deep breathe. Journal. Pray. Go in person or call.
3. An email from a place of frustration. Instead, take a walk. Hit a punching bag. Journal. Pray. Go in person or call.
4. An email that results in an unprofitable back and forth. You send a legitimate email with a question, but the answer only further confused you or raised more questions, so you send a second email. The response you then receive leads to more confusion or more questions. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth you two go. Go in person or call.
5. An email confronting someone. Go in person or call.
6. An email correcting someone. Go in person or call. (If this seems the same as #5, consider it that important to highlight twice then.)
7. An email that sounds internal warning bells. Stop trying to justify why it is acceptable this time to send the email. Remember your past mistakes. Protect yourself from another relapse. Listen to that internal warning system! Do not give it 24 hours. Delete it now. Go in person or call!

Recently, when I had my relapse, I had the internal warning bells ring, but I ignored them. Technically, I gave them a brief consideration. Prayer came to mind. So, I quickly prayed God would give me wisdom. Then, I flipped over a stack of verse cards I had nearby to the next verse, hoping to gain insight.

The verse staring back up at me was “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1. Interesting. I quickly reasoned that I had been “soft” in my email and so this verse was a green light from God. I do not cease to be amazed at how I can justify the most unjustifiable emails.

In hindsight, that specific verse perfectly applied to the situation.

Certain emails by their very nature simply are harsh no matter how intentionally you sugarcoat the main point or attempt to utilize the sandwich method. Countless vital aspects of in-person communication is eliminated when we instead foolishly choose a cold, hard, lifeless font to incompetently carry our thoughts for us. My email was unintentionally harsh and rightly so aroused anger.

Emails are my nemesis.

My prayer about sending that particular email was answered by God; I was merely blind to the truth He was communicating to me at the time.

Hopefully I have learned my lesson once and for all. Hopefully my mistake will be beneficial to you. Go in person or call. Have courage! Your relationships are worth it and will be better for it. Or perhaps your thoughts are actually only for you to consider. Not every impulse we have needs to come to fruition. Some words are better left never uttered in person, on the phone, or in an email. Some words should never be sent outside our own brain waves. Be discerning!

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”