This week my oldest finished his senior year in high school. For years prior to this momentous occasion, we have spent a great deal of time discussing his next steps. He does not want to go to college but, instead, start an immediate full-time career as a martial arts instructor and one day, in the next few years, own his own dojo.

I have a few issues with this plan. First, not going to college is outside my comfort zone. As my husband pointed out, my son would be the first in the family line for generations on both sides to not go to college. Second, the assumption by “everyone” around me has been that he is going to college. Many have asked me something along the lines of, “Where does your son plan to go to college?” Third, I am afraid. From my limited perspective, having a college degree seems financially safer in the long-term than not having one. Fourth, a martial arts career seems risky. An injury could prohibit the dream, as we came dangerously close to experiencing firsthand a few months ago.

Consequently, I have not automatically supported my son’s dream. Quite the contrary.

But what if I am wrong? What if my son’s dream is in alignment with God’s plan? What if he is not meant to go to college? What is my son’s actual purpose? Do I really want to stand in the way of that? How do we guide our seniors?

During the countless discussions we have been having for years about his future, my main encouragement to him has been to talk to as many different adults as possible to learn their stories regarding college. To make an informed decision. The results? I’d say split 50/50. Many stories would encourage college. Many would not. So, that leaves us in about the same predicament.

What is our place as parents to direct our kids after high school? After they turn 18? After they are in a very real sense adults?

I am still learning the answers, but I will say that my son’s recent brush with death opened my eyes a bit concerning his calling in life.

For almost eight solid years, he has been involved in the martial arts world. His passion for the sport has never wavered. Early on he became an assistant and eventually an instructor. While I cannot recall the first time my son mentioned martial arts as a long-term career, it was years ago and has been his only desire ever since. Students, parents, co-workers, and the boss all recognize his talent. So do I. During my own three years of training, he was my instructor. For a couple of years, he has been teaching the majority of the classes at the karate school. For some time, he has taught all the white belt classes. In other words, the brand new students only have him as a teacher.

Then his ski accident happened on February 16.

Those martial art students revealed how much they cared about their teacher. My son. Many stopped by our home with gifts or meals. The outpouring of love was overwhelming and moving.

Then it hit me. Do I really want to stand in the way of this? He has a ministry. A calling. A place to work and serve the community. It just so happens to not require a college degree. God has designed him to love martial arts, be skilled at martial arts, and be quite able to effectively teach martial arts. Why am I trying to steer him in a different direction? Why am I fighting what seems to be God’s purpose for my child? Why am I not supporting wholeheartedly a plan different than my own expectations?

For some kids, I believe we need to really discern and push and direct. For others, it seems we need to just get out of the way and let them follow the dreams God has planted deep inside them. Either way, here are 8 tips for parents of high school seniors that I have gleaned so far on this crazy, beautiful, hard parenting journey.

1. Pray for you and your child to have clarity and direction regarding the future.
2. Encourage them to make an informed decision by talking to as many adults as possible who have gone before them and learn from their experiences and perspectives.
3. Know your child. Observe and learn their skill set and passions. Reflect on the past and scrutinize their journey as a whole. What are they good at? What have they been through? What have been enduring passions and what have been simply passing flings of interest?
4. Challenge them to critically think through their path of preference and various other options. “Following a dream” is by no means what I am advocating at all.
5. Correct their unhelpful thinking. For example, my son has adamantly, repeatedly said he is not going to college, which I find to be a detrimental mindset since plans sometimes change, requiring adaptation. So, I have encouraged him to reword the phrase to, “I do not plan to go to college.”
6. Be as supportive as possible. If their plans are able to financially provide and seem reasonable, encourage and support their aspirations. Do not be a hindrance to them.
7. Do not worry about what others think. You are the parent, not them. You are the one responsible for guiding your child.
8. Trust God. He has a purpose for your child. He is writing yet another life story His way. Trust Him. Relinquish your child to Him. Let go of your vision and embrace the one that is being revealed day by day by God Almighty. He is for your child more than you ever will be. And, if you are like me, you are very much for your child. God even more so. Will we trust Him?