Ask my kids how I feel about a messy house and I’m positive they will all confidently inform you that I prefer (more like constantly demand) the house be kept in order. Not spotless. I’m not a clean freak. But I am an anti-mess freak. Tolerating mess in my house, which is inevitable with six people living in it, is a challenge. However, tolerating messy relationships takes the stress to a whole other level for me.

Though many of you might be able to tolerate more mess in your home than I can, I can’t imagine any of you being completely unfazed by relational mess. Though I haven’t done a study, my instinct is mess-free connections is a universal desire. But what in the world is the secret to avoiding messy relationships? Good news! I have the answer! A few months back my counselor informed me. Now I am about to save you a few pennies and let you in on the secret. Ready?

Become like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

For real. That’s what the professional counselor said, and she is exactly right. The only way to avoid messy relationships is to live on an uninhabited island all by yourself. But she also reminded me I would end up talking to a volleyball as if it were my best friend. Not sure the tradeoff is worth it.

Living in a cursed world makes our relationships themselves a bit…well…cursed. The word messy is starting to sound a lot more appealing when compared to that reality!

You might be wondering at this point where the encouragement is in this post.

My encouragement is to expect mess.

Our expectations are so pivotal in how we experience life. In recent months, I am realizing that my relational expectations need to be recalibrated. I need to stop believing my relationships can be and should be mess-free, which can lead to serious discouragement when they prove otherwise. Instead I need to accept reality. I need to expect reality. Just as it is unrealistic to expect my house to be mess-free, it is unrealistic to expect my relationships to be mess-free. If I am not on a deserted island by myself, then I should expect some relational mess to surface now and then. The end of the world hasn’t happened when a relationship has a hiccup. Encountering people means encountering mess.

Or you can choose to not encounter people and start thinking of a name for your volleyball. Wilson is taken.