Making friends and building community within a church context seem to be on the minds of many professing Christians who put forth effort to get out of bed and show up every Sunday to a corporate gathering, yet they also find it challenging. Consequently, agreeing friendship doesn’t just magically happen, I wanted to share some of the ways that have worked for me, hoping that concrete examples will stimulate ideas for you to incorporate in your own life.

1. When my husband was working tons of hours and “never” home and I had lots of little ones to care for and couldn’t just get out and make friends, I started and hosted a monthly “Ladies Prayer and Share” at my home on Monday evenings at 8:30pm after I tucked the kids into bed. People surprised me and actually showed up, resulting in some great friendships.
2. When a couple in the church hosted a large 4th of July party in their home, I had a conversation with a lady that was recently widowed. She mentioned dinnertime was hard. Since my husband worked tons and was seldom home for supper, I vulnerably asked this lady to come join my kids and me for dinner. It quickly became part of our regular routine and a very strong friendship and mentorship formed.
3. When I had a specific question about something for a particular lady, I asked her if she would meet me at a park so my four young, rambunctious kids could play while she and I talked. She graciously agreed and that one meetup was the beginning of an unexpected friendship.
4. When a family moved across country from everything familiar and I knew it would be hard with their particular stage of life and circumstances, I intentionally asked the mom and kids to a number of park playdates. Before they moved back across country, our families had become very close.
5. Not having a pool in my neighborhood but having a lake nearby, I started regular summer meetups for a group of moms and kids, which turned in to lots of fun memories and good friendships.
6. My life kept intersecting with one lady. Though a casual friendship started, it was only noticeably a deep friendship once we had walked through a lot of trials together. Hard times had knit our hearts together. Though we definitely knew how to laugh together too!
7. A friend was talking to a new person I had not yet met. We were in different stages and I just had this gut-feeling that a connection wasn’t possible, but I decided to be “friendly” and introduce myself anyway. In time, she came to mean very much to me. My first impression had been very inaccurate.
8. One family become close friends after a number of shared holiday meals together (neither of us had family in the area and so in a sense adopted each other). At these holiday gatherings we played games together, specifically Rage. A shared appreciation for sarcasm also helped make that relationship work.
9. While drying my hands in the small bathroom, I introduced myself to the lady at the sink. That’s all it took for that friendship to blast off.
10. I accepted the invitation to coffee, which was hard for me at that particular moment. Friendship isn’t always just an easy road and sitting down one on one with a new person felt too vulnerable at the time. But that invitation led to one of my favorite memories.

Friendship in church is very possible but it requires a few things. Friendship requires showing up, initiating, accepting, ignoring first impressions, thinking outside the box for what works in your season of life, getting out of your comfort zone, and a willingness to connect again and again and again until the bond is deep, strong, and solid.

As we pursue friendship within the church, we must constantly keep our eyes on our primary friend, the head of the church. All other friendships must take second place and be held with an open hand for Christ to give and take as He sees fit, no matter how tightly our hearts are knit together. We worship one friend and only one friend. Jesus. We know this. But do we live this? I hope you are able to go out there and make some awesome friends! But most importantly, I pray you will always hold Jesus steadfastly as first place in your heart.